4 Years in NYC

4 Years in New York, 4 Years in Brooklyn.

Photo by Jeremy Mitchell.

What a year.

I really thought my entry to 30 years of age would be the most magnificent transition I’ve ever experienced, yet it’s been nothing short of frustrating, disappointing, and disoriented. I remember being on the beach in Jamaica during my birthday trip in January, reflecting on all I had seen in my 20s. During that trip, my friends and I shared stories from our university experiences and recalled the unforgettable moments that brought us closer. Those were the days, but I finally felt ready for true adulting. Thirty felt like the perfect time to start afresh while becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable. I was excited as I thought of taking on opportunities outside of New York, whether they were in Los Angeles, London, or even Lagos. However, my year got off to a very slow start which had me questioning my career altogether. I felt like I had done it all, I sent pitch decks, I scheduled portfolio reviews, and even applied for creative positions, but nothing seemed to align. 

I grew depressed, and my inner imposter suddenly took over. I began getting aggravated with loved ones, became ungrateful with unfavorable work opportunities, and hated how I dressed. My mind was all over the place and it caused me to stray away from friendly celebrations, social networking events, and date nights with my partner. One could say I was spiraling without admitting to it. After becoming conscious of my decline, I was convinced by my therapist to redirect my attention to the more positive things in life. What could possibly be positive in a life as unclear and redundant as mine? Well, myself and the team at Sunday School were offered an opportunity to display work at the Art Gallery of Ontario in my hometown of Toronto. This was a HUGE moment for me, being that I grew up visiting this gallery on field trips back in middle school. The opportunity really blew my mind, and gave me something very exciting and empowering to look forward to. I was beginning to feel like myself again as I worked with various people to bring this experience to life. Ideas were keeping me up at night, and the passion from within began to bloom. This showcase was about to set the tone for the rest of my year!

But no, I was unhappy with myself throughout the experience, unsure about my collaborative abilities, and it was starting to show in my actions. My close friends and family grew confused, as I began to exude very pessimistic energy, putting me right back to a space of dissatisfaction and anger. I couldn’t seem to get out of the funk, and unfortunately for me, that feeling carried on throughout the entire summer. The negativity led to bad eating, inconsistent gym routines, resting bitch face accusations, and no work. Towards the end of August, I gave up on my goals and aspirations for the year. I began to think about 2024, and how I could bounce back financially and mentally. However, something told me to be still and to enjoy what's left of 2023. No matter the circumstances, life is truly precious and whether I want to admit it or not, I am so privileged to be pursuing my dream as a creative living in another country. I had to remind myself to practice gratitude, and self reflect on how far I’ve come. 

…And fortunately for me, that is the space I’m currently in. It is currently Q4 and I’m taking things one day at a time. There is no extra pressure to create something magical by December and I’m not banking on a year-end opportunity to change my life. I’m truly content with what I’ve created, the people I’ve moved, and the effort I’ve given. Many lessons were gained, and wisdom acquired. I think it is important to end your year the way you’d like it to begin, so I’ve wholeheartedly chosen to celebrate regardless of my experience. The best way out is through. 

Thank you for taking some time to read this until the end. I hope this short piece inspired, motivated, or resonated with you in some way.